My Life in Jokes
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Now in paperback--one of America's greatest entertainers shares his favorite jokes and memories.
Bob Hope died at the age of 100 in July '03. His legendary career spanned the entire 20th century, from impersonating Charlie Chaplin in front of the firehouse in Cleveland in 1909 to celebrating an unprecedented 60 years with NBC in 1996. He entertained millions worldwide with his performances in vaudeville and on Broadway, on his top-rated weekly radio show, in beloved movies such as his Road pictures with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour, and, most notably, in the countless television appearances that made him a superstar and a welcome guest in every living room in the country.
With Bob Hope: My Life in Jokes, readers can enjoy the very best of his humor and, in the process, learn about the amazing life and career of a true national treasure.
On the early years:
"I wouldn't have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."
On growing old:
"Age is only a number. However, in my case, it's a rather large number."
I'll have more hash marks than Nimitz. I'm really thrilled tonight, because they requested me to keep appearing before military audiences .. . What I didn't like about it ... The request came from civilian audiences. 71 When we flew over New York, I felt a real tug at my heart ... M y girdle had caught in the airplane door. I was really glad to get back to Hollywood ... I kissed my wife, I kissed my kids, then rushed out and kissed the street cleaner . . . He said, "That's not necessary anymore
at the door. They figured I was a gate crasher and I thought I was being arrested when Ed Meese jumped up and started readi ng me my rights. I enjoy coming to Washington to get an award. I love to get anything here that's not taxable. It's great for a comedian to be honored in Washington. If there was ever a city tl1at knew how to get laughs. This is a real thrill ... to get an award from Washington and I don't even know who I'm supposed to vote for yet. There are so many congressmen and senators
the Persian Gulf aboard the Okinawa based in Yokosuka. How do you say that? Yokosuka. I said that three times fast in rehearsal and my tongue just got out of traction. 176 I'm glad the Okinawa had experience as the prime recovery ship for Apollo 8 and 15. One of your men kissed Barbara Eden earlier, so you can recover him when he comes down to earth .. . It's the only time sailors will be paid for making a pickup. The crew works at staying in shape . .. some guys run or lift weights. I saw one
for staring at the glamour girls here .. . They're a sight for sore Gls. But it's swell for the fellows . . . There's really a lot of USO girls in Hollywood . .. USO . . . Use Slacks Only. 0 oF THE MOVIE industry's most successful war efforts was the Hollywood Victory Caravan, a special train carrying some of the nation's most popular entertainers all doing what they could to help the war effort. We crossed the country, rehearsing on the way, for the Washington kickoff of a two-week
Barbara Stam.yyck . .. But around Kansas City ... Robert Taylor began getting heavy. 51 There was one beautiful glamour girl on the train ... I didn't remember her name ... But her sweater was familiar. I tried to kiss a girl going around a sharp bend ... When I got my head in out of the window ... three cows were waving at me fondly. All the other male actors were jealous of me because throughout the trip I had all the exciting girls to myself ... But soon I tired of it . . . After all, how