Gleefully Macabre Tales

Gleefully Macabre Tales

Jeff Strand

Language: English

Pages: 265

ISBN: 1626410674

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Jeff Strand is the author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, A BAD DAY FOR VOODOO, WOLF HUNT, SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, BENJAMIN'S PARASITE, FANGBOY, THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE, and lots of others. Three-time Bram Stoker Award finalist. Three-time Bram Stoker Award loser. Four-time Bram Stoker Award Master of Ceremonies.

Strand is perhaps best known for his skill at balancing humorous and horrific elements in one tale. Socially Awkward Moments with an Aspiring Lunatic showcases that rare talent wonderfully.
This story is gross, funny, scary, and just plain disturbing. Jeff Strand is brilliant and he should be locked away.
Bust-your-gut funny. Strand isnt only off his rocker here, hes out of his freakin mind!
Author Strand has the delightful ability to ladle out laughter and horror in heaping helpings, and these stories offer both fun and fear in equally large doses.

Gleefully Macabre Tales

Ready to find an efficient way to unload the truck filled with dead babies? In the mood to giggle at the sight of your own blood? Well, ladies and gentlemen, my ghoulishly funny short story collection, Gleefully Macabre Tales, is now available!

Tales include…

“Disposal” (new to the paperback edition–previously published as a stand-alone hardcover)

“Really, Really Ferocious” (the infamous “wiener dog” story)

“Socially Awkward Moments With An Aspiring Lunatic” (from the long-sold-out chapbook)

“Them Old West Mutations” (just a good old-fashioned “giant man-eating cockroaches in the Old West” yarn)

“One of Them” (a young boy visits a most unpleasant carnival freak show indeed…)

“Roasting Weenies by Hellfire” (sort of like Home Alone, but with lots of splatter, a zombie, and the devil)

A grisly and disturbing version of “The Three Little Pigs” “Mr. Sensitive” (a leg-crossing, cringe-inducing cautionary tale)“BrainBugs” (they’re in there…squirming around…)
“The Socket” (sorry…this one’s sick!)

“Special Features” (it may be the last DVD commentary track you ever listen to)

“Werewolf Porno” and “Sex Potion #147″ (from the sold-out chapbook Funny Stories of Scary Sex)

Gracious! There’s even more…

A couple of serious tales: “Glimpses” and “Abbey’s Shriek”

A double feature of holiday silliness: “Howard, the Tenth Reindeer” and “Howard Rises Again”

A transcript of my 2006 and 2007 World Horror Convention Gross-Out Contest entries (complete with embarrassed author commentary)

And there’s even more amusing depravity! “High Stakes.” “Wasting Grandpa.” “A Bite for a Bite.” “Bad Coffee.” “An Admittedly Pointless But Mercifully Brief Story With Aliens In It.” “Munchies.” “I Hold the Stick.” “Scarecrow’s Discovery.” “Cap’n Hank’s Five Alarm Nuclear Lava Wings.” “The Bad Candy House.” And yes, even more! (Six more, actually.)

Not to mention a few pages of story notes at the back of the book, for those of you who are into that sort of thing.

Previously published as a 300-copy hardcover limited edition by Delirium Books.

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vial with ten drops. The potion works, Melissa. Men will be crawling at your feet, pleading with you to open your legs and allow them to pleasure your silken femininity with their tongues. They’ll do anything you ask. Anything. Anyplace you want licked, they’ll lick. If there’s anything especially kinky you’ve ever wanted a man to do, like dress up in a…well, I’ll let you brainstorm those ideas yourself, but a world of sexual adventure is yours, Melissa." "Oh, well, gee, I always carry a spare

nearby. Hopefully the ten minutes he’d been late weren’t enough for the kidnappers to get impatient and take off. Harry sat there for a while, whistling badly to calm his nerves. After fifteen minutes he was horrified to think that he might have missed them, but then something tapped against the passenger-side window, making him flinch. A man in black denim jeans, a black leather jacket, and a black facemask stood by the window. He’d tapped it with a revolver. "Kill the headlights, then get

dangle, he didn’t much want to touch it and left it alone. Now what? The Devil hadn’t given him any instructions. Was he just supposed to shamble around, stretch out his arms, and moan? Maybe he was supposed to shout "Brains!" like in that movie. He wondered if he ought to be chasing Hector; after all, he didn’t want to disappoint the Devil and find himself back in Hell. Hector peeked out from behind a tree, went "Eeeeeek!!!" (actually pronouncing both the "e" and "k" sounds) and ran off again.

very afternoon. But since Edward was truly a wicked little boy, he’d filled this snowman with nitroglycerine, which blew the little twerp into itty bitty teeny weenie pieces. "Howard’s ashes saved Christmas!" Santa declared. "He’s a hero! He’s the greatest reindeer who ever lived! His ashes will be placed in an airtight urn, and from now until forever, Howard will ride at the head of my sleigh!" "Hooray!" cheered the other reindeer. "Hooray for Howard!" It took them about two hours to find

couldn’t be the world’s greatest grandpa with a poked-out eye and stick in his brain, now could he? Heh heh heh. Was that an insane laugh? Nah. I dragged the old man’s body behind a dumpster and then walked until I found an affordably crappy motel. I paid for a week in advance, raided the vending machine, and decided to just hang out in the motel room until this all blew over. How long did it take for a dismemberment to blow over? That evening, I sat on the bed, watching the news and eating

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