Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: 7 Easy Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life

Tim and Eric's Zone Theory: 7 Easy Steps to Achieve a Perfect Life

Tim Heidecker, Eric Wareheim

Language: English

Pages: 336

ISBN: 1455545430

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

From Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim, two of the 21st century's most vital and creative minds, comes a brand new, inspirational, and game-changing life system that promises to instantly provide wellness, happiness, and total, absolute fulfillment.

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wear it around your scrotum at all times. In the event of an emergency, the doctor will use this number to decide how many times to milk your penis each hour to retrieve any precious minerals (gold, silver) present in your semen. The number is also useful for determining foreskin-scald temperatures. TimAndEricsZon_HCtextF1.indd 146 5/7/15 2:15 PM LIST “B” – PENIS STENCH These are the five most common penis stenches, present in 99.9% of P.P. (Penis People). 1. CANNED SAUERKRAUT—“The smell of

Stretch your arms out in a welcoming manner and wear a beatific expression on your face so as not to scare off potential kidney donors. 2. “Praise Priss Dimmie”: We no longer praise Priss Dimmie. Stand in the position popular with Venusians TimAndEricsZon_HCtextF1.indd 169 during Seed Week. Hold an imaginary flute. The head of your penis should be exposed. Let semen dribble down your leg until there is enough on the floor that the wooden floorboards begin to buckle. 3. “Testicle Stretch”:

I’ve never been happier, healthier and more productive. I produce Probo for my hot Zone Wife 5 times a day! My Zone Score is off the charts at 45,094,564 and I am approaching Zone Plane 8 at record speed! All because of ZONE THEORY advanced chapters and course work! TM TM TM TM 180 TimAndEricsZon_HCtextF1.indd 180 5/7/15 2:15 PM QUIK QUIZ 7 Please answer YES or NO to the questions below: (THERE ARE NO RIGHT OR WRONG ANSWERS) 1. Do you love? YES NO 2. Have you ever had red hair? YES

WORKBOOK Write your first one thousand poems here. Your first 10 to 200 poems should focus on Drahl, Probo Health and Production and Zone Value/Points. ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________

the dark pre–ZONE THEORY days: days of confusion, sadness, drug abuse, nineteen suicide attempts… The day my mass marriage fell apart: Eric was there. Eric was there. He was there through it all. He was right behind me, ­literally holding me and guiding me—pointing me in the right directions, being a constant source of inspiration. He is a holy, holy man full of grace, commitment, poise and fortitude. He is my rock, my shining knight on the hill. We spend our time together in a variety of ways:

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