The Monster Book of NSFW Jokes: The Most Hilarious, Outrageous and Raunchy Humor from Funny.com
Language: English
Pages: 400
ISBN: 1569759782
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Funny.com brings you the most raunchy, inappropriate and politically incorrect jokes to share with your coworkers when the boss isn’t around. From blondes and brunettes to politicians and proctologists, this collection of twisted jokes has something to offend everyone. So if you e-mail one to a friend, don’t forget to label it NSFW.
How do you break the nose of a blonde?
You place a dildo under a glass table.
What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
Forty-five pounds.
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
Forty-five minutes.
Why is it so hard for a woman to find a sensitive, caring and good-looking boyfriend?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
Because when they come, they’re wild and wet, and when they go, you’ve lost your house and car.
What’s the difference between a New York zoo and an Alabama zoo?
The cages at the Alabama zoo have a description of the animal plus a recipe.
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of all the gardening that he had to do at his new house, so he decided to go in . " Excu se me, s ir," h e said to a man wearing an apron . " Can yo u s how me wh ere I ca n fi nd a fu cket?" "A fucket? Oh, you must mean a bucket," and the clerk sold the foreig ner a tengallo n bucket. The man kept walking until he came to a pet store. In the w in dow, he saw the most beautiful cocker spaniel. He simply had to have t he dog. " Excuse me," he said to the woman behind the co unter. " I wa nt to buy
slowly withdrew his penis, he panted with exhaustion, and she said, "Why did you do that?" He replied, "You asked for sex on the beach." There was a long pause and then she said, "I just wanted the drink!" 79 The Monster Book of N S FW JOKI:S Blondes Wealthy Widower Bob, a seventy-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the country club with a breathtakingly beautif ul and very sexy twenty-five-year-old blonde woman, who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and
Sincerely yours, V. Gina JSJ The Monster Book of NS FW JOKES Five Answers We Have All Been Waiting For Q: What a re the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? A: It's Braille for "suck here." Q: What is an Austra lian k.iss? A: It's the same as a French k.iss, but " down under." Q: What do you do w ith 365 used condoms? A: Mell them down, make a tire, and ca ll it a Goodyear. Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women? A: Because when they come, they're wild and wet, and when
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. I tried phone sex once, but the boles in t he dialer were too small . Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy. 161 , The Monster Book of N5 FW IOKU A couple who were just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the hole, and she was happy with the thing. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life? A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife
during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius. 19 0 Insults 2. Why don't women blink during sex? They don't have enough time. 3 . Why does it take a million sperm to fertilize one egg? T hey don't stop to ask directions. 4 . Why do men snore when they lie on their backs? Because their balls fall over their butt-bole and they vapor lock. s. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't bump women's legs at cocktails parties. 6. Why did God make men before women? You need a