The Power of Apology: Healing Steps to Transform All Your Relationships
Beverly Engel
Language: English
Pages: 272
ISBN: 0471218928
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
"Fresh and useful . . . excellent practical advice . . . thorough and lucid . . . will be welcomed by many who have struggled to ask forgiveness and to forgive."
-Publishers Weekly
A finalist in the Books for a Better Life Awards competition!
Discover the healing power of apology and put its magic to work in your life
Do you have a difficult time apologizing or are you involved with someone who does?
Do you tend to overapologize and appear weak in others' eyes?
Do you want to reconcile with someone but feel they owe you an apology first?
Do you need to apologize or make amends to someone but don't know how to go about it?
In this inspiring book from internationally acclaimed therapist and self-improvement author Beverly Engel, you will learn why some people have difficulty apologizing while others tend to overapologize. You'll learn how to give a meaningful apology, how to ask for one, and how to receive one. From making amends with those you have hurt to dealing with someone who refuses to apologize to teaching children responsibility and empathy, this life-changing book shows you how to bring a healing new element of renewal into every relationship in your life.
"Beverly Engel has eloquently explained the power of apology in a remarkably insightful and perceptive manner. No one has been better able to explain what an apology means and its role in reconciliation."
-Rabbi Charles A. Klein, author of How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships
"Readers of this wise and lucid guide to the neglected art of authentic apology will acquire a powerful tool to help repair relationships with others and with themselves."
-Jeanne Safer, Ph.D., author of Forgiving and Not Forgiving: A New Approach to Resolving Intimate Betrayal
"An engaging and in-depth book on a subject that has rarely been addressed so intelligently and thoroughly. Ms. Engel offers the reader specific suggestions that can help you improve all your relationships."
-Steven Farmer, M.F.T., author of Adult Children of Abusive Parents
Introducing Psychology of Relationships: A Practical Guide
Together Alone: Personal Relationships in Public Places
Question Your Thinking, Change the World
Other People's Love Letters: 150 Letters You Were Never Meant to See
Marriage Rescue: Overcoming Ten Deadly Sins in Failing Relationships
acquitted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice, Sam Donaldson asked him, “In your heart, can you forgive and forget?” Clinton visibly flinched. His face seemed to redden with anger. But then he seemed to mellow. With a little more humility on his face, Clinton answered, “I believe that any person who asks for forgiveness has to be prepared to give it.” c05.qxd 5/31/01 9:31 AM Page 85 O P E N I N G T H E D O O R W I T H E M PAT H Y 85 Other Benefits of Forgiveness In addition to
father, who had been drinking, started flirting with her, pressing his body up against her whenever he passed by her, and once even tried to grab her breast. This made her so uncomfortable that she left. “How can I forgive my father when he denies molesting me?” she lamented during her next session. “And why should I forgive him when he’s still doing the same thing he’s always done? He hasn’t changed a bit!” c07.qxd 5/31/01 9:41 AM Page 112 112 L E A R N H OW T O R E C E I V E A N D AC C E P T
In order to forgive him, we wanted him to humble himself before us. The price you will personally pay for holding onto your arrogance and refusing to admit when you are wrong can be the loss of your marriage, the respect of your children, and the respect of those with whom you work. And the biggest price of all is the loss of your true self. The more you build up walls of arrogance in order to protect your pride, the less contact you have with your true self. Ultimately, the false self you show
much I’d hurt my family and I had to show them I’d really changed. I started out by apologizing for my behavior in the past. I spelled out exactly how I’d hurt each person in my family, just so they knew that I knew. Then I explained to them about my 12-step program, how I attended a meeting three times a week and how this helped me stay clean. I even told them there were no guarantees I’d stay clean, that I still battled urges and would probably battle them all my life. But I explained that the
because she couldn’t really help what she’d done, I was able to forgive her. She’d had a horrible life and now I understood why she’d done what she’d done. The whole thing was so healing for both of us. After all, I’d forgiven my husband. Why couldn’t I forgive her? It doesn’t mean I entirely trust her not to try to hurt me again in some way. But as long as she continues therapy, I feel pretty safe. Not that I trust Charlene and my husband together, mind you. I’m not that stupid. It’s not that I