The Pirates! in an Adventure with the Romantics
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Whilst visiting their bank manager on the shores of Lake Geneva, the Pirate Captain and his crew encounter no less than the literary giants of their age: the swaggering Lord Byron, the oddly shifty Percy Shelley - and his beautiful young fiancée, Mary.
Together they embark upon a journey that leads them away from Switzerland into the bowels of Oxford, and finally to the forbidding heart of eastern Europe. It is an adventure that will force the Pirate Captain to confront some important questions, namely: what is the secret behind his mysterious belly tattoo? Is 'Zombuloid, the corpse-beast' a better name for a monster than 'Gorgo: Half-man, half-seaweed'? And, most importantly - what happens when a pirate finally falls in love?
Women in diaphanous nighties running down corridors! Brooding men with dark hair! Sinister taxidermy! Ghostly banging noises! The Pirates! In An Adventure with the Romantics contains all these things, as well as a bit where the Captain dresses up as a sexy fireman.
cabin, and made enough noise banging astrolabes into things to ensure that the pirate with a scarf would come and find out what was going on. ‘You’re not going to believe this, number two,’ he fumed, ‘but my patented Aloof/Funny/Deep method has drawn a blank.’ The pirate with a scarf looked sympathetic. ‘Sorry to hear that, sir.’ ‘Possibly I got the ratios muddled. Maybe these Romantics require more of the deep and less of the other bits? Or perhaps she’s got the wrong sort of brain, one that
Before she had a chance to come up with a counter argument, Byron crashed through the door like a big flouncy labrador. ‘My hair is looking astounding today!’ he bellowed. ‘Also, we’ve arrived!’ They parked the pirate boat next to some punts, and everybody gathered on deck. Tourists and students ambled about in a work-shy sort of way as the afternoon sun glinted off Oxford’s ivory towers. More recently established universities built their towers of brick, but Oxford used ivory, because back
future happiness. Should she stick with Sir Henderson, who, though dependable, doesn’t share her interest in experimental vivisection at all, or should she defy society’s conventions and hit on the seaweed-man mutant?’ The Captain thought for a moment. ‘If she does that, she needs to look out for his beak.’ ‘Your beak?’ ‘Have you never met a half-man, half-seaweed? They generally have a beak next to their mouth. Could be a nasty surprise for this Phoebe if she’s trying to kiss him and there’s
quite a loud voice. It penetrates.’ The Pirate Captain took this as a compliment and gave a little bow. ‘So I pretended to be asleep rather than get in the way.’ ‘Do you do that often? Pretend to be asleep, I mean?’ ‘Don’t worry, Captain, I’ve never noticed you creep into my cabin and try on my clothes at night, and if I had noticed I would be sure to assume it was just the kind of healthy experimentation anybody might do. But you’re missing my point about Mary’s subtext.’ It took quite a
the pirate with a scarf, hoping that the answer wouldn’t be too stupid. ‘Nothing less than a cupid’s arrow aimed directly at young Mary’s heart!’ The Captain took a moment to get the pirate with a scarf up to speed. He explained all about Mary’s secret love of monsters, and about her novel, and about her clever use of subtext. ‘So,’ he continued. ‘I’ve decided to do some subtext too. To that end I’ve written an entirely new version of Mary’s story, but this time there’s none of that conflicted