The New York Bartenders Joke Book
Jimmy Pritchard
Language: English
Pages: 196
ISBN: 2:00266436
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Wander down to the local bar and ask the bartender, "Heard any good jokes lately?" Jimmy Pritchard, who has been tending bar in popular New York City establishments for years, has heard them all. From New York natives to tourists, from professionals to college kids, when Jimmy's behind the bar, everyone has to pony up a joke. Here is Pritchard's riotously funny collection of more than 400 jokes that is sure to have everyone laughing.
A Sample:
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The Coloring Book: A Comedian Solves Race Relations in America
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natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper, extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed." The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says,"But that sounds great! You h2ve what every man wants in a woman, so why are you crying?" The old man looks at the bartender and says, "I starts crying. The can't remember where I live!" y \Vhat's the best thing about having Alzheimer's
the back of the limousine pushes a button and hls window rolls down. He says to the Oldsmobile driver, "Hey, nice car." The guy in the Olds says, "Thanks. I have a 1V in here, cable ready." Not to be outdone, the mao in the limo says, "I have a Tv, a VCR, and a satellite rush." "I have a microwave oven," says the guy in the Olds. "I have a convection oven with a full-time chef," says the man in the limo. "I have a four-poster brass bed! " the guy in the Olds says as the light changes and he takes
tell this joke at the dinner table! A couple get married and head off to the lake to stay in the honeymoon cabin. The next morning the caretaker of the cabins notices the man fishing from the honeymoon cabin's dock. Curious, he walks up to him and says, "How's the fishing?" ·Great," says the man, pointing to a bucket with three fish in it. ~ou'ce in the honeymoon cabin, aren't you?" asks the caretaker. "Yep," says the man. "\Vell," says the caretaker, "it's none of my business, but shouldn't you
son, Michael/ A traveling salesman's car breaks down near a farmhouse. He knocks on the door and the farmer says, "Yes?" The salesman says, "My car broke down, can I spend the night?" The farmer says, "Sure, but you'll have to sleep with my son.· •Your son?" says the salesman."'Vait a minute, I must be in the wrong joke! " y What's the name of the guy from India who works the coat room at the Plaza? Mahatma Coat. y Did you hear about the gay midge t? He came out of the cupboard. y Dld you
children come home, I'm humping their legs.Tables, chairs, anything with legs, I'm humping it. So my owner brought me here to get my nuts cut." "Oh," says the second mutt. 1\e It• Ytrk City l~rtea•er'• Jtkt leek • 1S They both look at the Gernwl shepherd and ln unison ask, "\Vhat are you doing here?· The Gennan shepherd says, "\Vell, my owner Js a tall, unbelievably gorgeous blonde. She's taking a shower one day and I happen to be in the bathroom. She steps out of the shower, dripping wet. She