The Last Detective Alive

The Last Detective Alive

John Swartzwelder

Language: English

Pages: 165

ISBN: 0982273622

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

One of a series of comedy/science fiction novels featuring slow-witted detective Frank Burly, by John Swartzwelder, the writer of 59 episodes of The Simpsons.

(Unfortunately, no plot summary available anywhere I can find. I'll write one after I've read it.)

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My Life in Jokes

The Last Detective Alive

Gleefully Macabre Tales

Carry a Big Stick: A funny, fearless life of friendship, laughter and MS

The Fun Factory











think he was also beginning to run out of insults, while I wasn’t even close to running out. “I will deal with thee later, witch!” he said as he made a hasty exit, putting his hands over his ears so he couldn’t hear my reply, which, just for the record, was “asshole”. As I resumed my search for Blinky, I kept noticing huge piles of junk on the street. Not Colonial junk, but junk from my era. There were stacks of 8-track tapes, Polavision players, 2009 calendars, and all kinds of other crap. The

they were trying to do now was to get the populace to revolt and kick the British out. Then everybody would have to buy their tea from the Founding Fathers at high Founding Father prices. Sam Adams admitted to me that it was a pretty complicated scam, but he felt it might work out. Especially if their new propaganda campaign equating expensive tea with freedom did its job. That explained the cries of: “They’re trying to cheapen our tea!” and “We want expensive tea!” I had been hearing all over

quiet about something once…” I said, starting to tell my own story. “Wonderful,” said Fantastic, plowing ahead. “Anyway, everyone who found out about the hole started to blow the whistle on Mrs. Donatelli, but then they realized they could use the hole too. First other donut shops started using it. Then other kinds of businesses found they could use it to dispose of the useless part of their inventory—products that had become obsolete, outdated electronics, fad items, useless crap like that. If

I have a big spider web in my office?” “What do you use it for?” He shrugged. “I just sit in it and kind of keep an eye on everything.” “Anything ever get caught in it?” “The web?” “Yeah.” “Sometimes. But nothing good, so far.” Fantastic broke off talking to me to chastise a guard who was slouching at his post. “Hey, Jack, either straighten up and try to look more like a guard or you’re off of this picture.” “Huh?” said the guard. “I want to feel like I’m being guarded by professionals

ruin my professional reputation. There were all kinds of angry messages on my answering machine from clients I’d never heard of, saying they had paid me, but that I had never done the work. My desk was piled high with bills, dun notices from credit card companies, traffic tickets, subpoenas, and official notices informing me that my driver’s license had been suspended, my private detective’s license had been revoked, my credit rating had reached zero, and I was under arrest. Cursing Blinky, I

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