The Friars Club Encyclopedia of Jokes: Over 2,000 One-Liners, Straight Lines, Stories, Gags, Roasts, Ribs, and Put-Downs
H. Aaron Cohl
Language: English
Pages: 503
ISBN: 2:00263410
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Finally in paperback-with lots of brand-new jokes from today's top comedians.
What could be funnier than a great joke? How about 2,000 great jokes? In this side–splitting compendium, revised and updated and featuring a new introduction by Drew Carey, members of the world-renowned Friars Club and other comedians provide zingers for every occasion, situation, and taste.
Organized alphabetically and by topic, this book is made for browsing, but it's also perfect for finding icebreakers for social occasions, adding a touch of humor to business speeches, and spicing up toasts.
Hundreds of the best-known comedians are represented, including Sarah Silverman, Ellen Degeneres, Lewis Black, Ray Romano, Milton Berle, Carol Burnett, George Burns, George Carlin, Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Phyllis Diller, Bob Hope, Alan King, Richard Lewis, Bob Newhart, Rita Rudner, Jerry Seinfeld, Robin Williams, and tons more.
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you , Fred," he said, " but I'm afraid you've got six months to live ." "Oh, my Cod," gasped Fred, turning white. When the news had sunk in he said, "Liste n, Doc, you've known me a long time . Do you have any suggestions as to how I could make the most of my remaining months?" "Have you eve r married?" asked the doctor. Fred ex plained that he'd been a bachelor all his life. "You mi oht think about taking a wife," the docto r proposed . "After all you'll n:ed someo ne to look after you during
FRI AR tu n t.-.: LOPEDIA OF ) OKES I'm Catholic ... . My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm . I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat . There's a new birth control pill for women . You put it between your knees and keep it there . Bru BARNER During brunch at the yacht club, R. Chip Frothingham Ill took the family doctor aside and co nfi d ed that he and his wife were having diffl . culty conceiving. "I'm no t a fertility expert, Chip, but maybe I can help," Dr.
the only time of the week when none of you seem to want to argue with me." After the annual office Christmas party, Dawkins woke up with a pounding headache, cotton -mouthed , and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him . BOREDOM I BoSSES 65 "Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think/'' "Even worse," she assured him ,
imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, the c hildre n managed to identify the taste of cherries, le mo ns, and m int, but when the teacher had them put honeyflavored Life Savers in their mo uths, every o ne of the children was stumped . "I'll g ive you a hint," sai d the teache r. "It's something your daddy and mommy pro bably call each o ther all the time." Insta ntl y, one of the children spat the candy out of his mouth
broth er b luntly. "T I1e ca • The guy is devastated . "You don 't know how much that cat meant to " h e so b into the phone . "Cou ldn't yo u at least have give n 1. I me, . a Itt e t to a n icer way of brea k1n g th e news? For instance • could n't you t,ou I gh have sa id , 'We ll , yo u know, th e cat go t o ut of th e house one day and climbed up on th e roof, a nd th e fire department couldn't ge t her down , d fi na ll y sh e di e d of exposure . . . or starva tion ... or something'? an