The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes

Larry Getlen

Language: English

Pages: 336

ISBN: 1592575382

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

The funniest jokes from the funniest people

Now readers can have hilarious quips at their fingertips with this collection of jokes broken down by category and cross-referenced. And if their delivery leaves something to be desired (i.e., laughs), real advice from comedians and some of the nation’s top motivational and corporate speakers will help them keep their audience in stitches.
• Includes more than 1500 of the funniest lines from the funniest comedians
• Jokes are easily referenced and cross-referenced for various uses—business, speeches, toasts, etc.
• Includes jokes and advice from Dave Barry, Wendy Liebman, Penn Jillette, and others
• Foreword by Gilbert Gottfried
• Written by an experienced comedian and comedy writer

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Isn't th:t romantic? I poured my heart out into this poem, and all she could say was, "Well, Bruce, you misspelled 'Nanrucket."'-Bruce Cherry I'm dating a woman with a kid. The kid's name is A. J., which stands for Cock-Biock.-J-L Cauvin I'll never go on another date with a vegan. \Nhy? I discovered vegnn is Latin for frenk. We couldn't find oue restaurant that adhered to all her nhm·d rules and regulations, and ended up getting coffee. I politely asked, "Do you want any sugar?" She replied, "I

with my wife on the cell phone, and I say, "Look, I gotta go-you're wasting my minutes." She said, "No, remember-we get free minutes when we talk to each other." I said, "No, I mean the minutes of my life!"-Nlick DiFlo It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard. -Dorothy Parker I don't go out with my single friends, 'cause I never have fun. We'll go to a club, and a guy comes over, "Can 1 buy you a drink?" They're like, "No, she's married." I' m like, "Yeah, I'm married, but I'm

Hamill in the original Star Wm·s sold for $200,600 in an auction. For $10 more, Mark Hamill will come over and clean your gutters.-Ben Schwartz Bill Cosby was accused of drugging and molesting 12 women. Cosby insists that he never molested the women, saying that drugging them was the only way to get them into theaters to watch the Fat Allm1 movie, thereby doubling the film 's box office take.-Larry Getlen It was reported that Guy Ritchie h <\S cast his wife Maclonn:1 in a small walk-on role in

concelled the show with only one episode to go-the episode that showed Bodden's victory. I don't know if Jesse Jackson is trying to appeal to a broader audience, but I just saw him doing a commercial for Wonder Bread.-Bob Hope lam really enjoying the new Nlartin Luther King Jr. stamp-just think about all those white bigots, licking the backside of a black man.-Dick Gregory _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __ (~h:.2_ aptfrZ5: Rdce 161 I was reading the paper, and it said that 80 percent of the people in

only con he be seen on some of TV's funni· est shows such as Arrested Development and Mr. Show, but you con even enjoy him in the privacy of your own Xbox. C ross provided the voice for Zero in Grand Theft Auto: Son Andreas and also hod a cameo as a M orine in Halo 2. Iraq awarded its fi rst nationwide mobile telephone licenses to tl1ree Midd le Eastern companies on Monday, saying service could begin by the end of the month. T his means Iraqis will soon be able to talk anywhere, at any time ...

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