Posh and Prejudice (Diary of a Chav)
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The divine Shiraz Bailey Wood is back in this hilarious sequel to Diva Without a Cause to enlighten us with her signature brand of madcap humor on her demented, glorious life in the gritty suburbs of London.
When sixteen-year-old Shiraz Bailey Wood's year-end test results come in, she's astonished to discover not only that she passed them all, but that she's actually clever! Emboldened by an invite to higher-level classes, Shiraz enrolls in Superchav Academy's "Center of Excellence" to get even brainier.
Hanging with goody-two- shoes types in higher-level classes seems like just the ticket to avoid getting stuck forever in her crap hometown. But Shiraz has to figure out for herself: are these posh types really any better than she, or do they just want to stick their noses up at everyone?
“Well, Julia! Here I am, outside Mayflower Academy! Now, this is a school that has been DOGGED BY CONTROVERSY for a long time and it had seemed recently as though there had been some VAGUE IMPROVEMENTS, but now it’s more of the same: weapons, gangs, violence, drug-dealing, and antisocial behavior! What a sad example of the youth of today this school is! I mean, to set the scene, this was the school that was once called the WORST SCHOOL IN BRITAIN providing some of the lowest standards in
I could smell hash smoke floating out of the kitchen. The blokes were wearing jeans and suit jackets and some had beards and the women looked a bit like teachers and they all seemed to have extra-loud voices and one woman was moaning about how some documentary she’d just finished assistant-producing had changed air dates TWICE and she’d just fired off a stinking e-mail to the BBC and another woman was telling everyone that she’d reduced her carbon footprint by ninety percent in six months. Me and
“I ain’t gonna keep my little girl in daft shoes and lip gloss sitting about on my ’arris contemplating my navel!” he says. I like Carrie’s dad a lot, he’s got all that cash but he ain’t posh or nothing. I mean, he might wear expensive shirts and flash his wallet a bit when he goes down to the dog races at Walthamstow but he ain’t up himself. I like Carrie’s mum, too. She’s a little bit posh, mind. “Posher than she ought to be!” my mother always says. My mother’s got beef with Maria ’cos Maria
study Carrie had put into passing her GCSEs which sort of made me laugh ’cos what would have REALLY symbolized Carrie passing her GCSEs would be a cake with marzipan figurines of Carrie snoring on her bed with Butterz to Babe in Thirty Days over her face while I read Jane Eyre beside her shouting, “Carrie! Wake up, you lazy cow!” “Well, I’d just like to raise a toast to my daughter,” Maria was saying. “I’m so proud of what you’ve done, love. And so proud that you’re carrying on at school to get
says that’ll give Cava-Sue and Lewis time to “travel” to the Ilford job center and “check out the magical festival of cold hard work.” We all laughed for ages when she said that except for Cava-Sue, who burst into tears. FRIDAY 5TH SEPTEMBER I was walking home from work tonight down Thundersley Road well buzzing ’cos after tomorrow I’ll only be working at Mr. Yolk on Saturdays. Believe me, eight hours a week is too long to spend with Mario. Especially when you’re the bloody negotiator