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At the centre of the drama is Ambrose Archibald, an irredeemable reprobate and the type of guy who rants philosophically at the bar while mooching beer from his friends. He’s a narcissist who thinks he’s God’s gift to women. And he’s having an affair with the charming and beautiful Mandy Menzies, who was the high school beauty queen but is now stuck in a marriage of convenience and a life of boredom. Her housekeeper, Estelle Carmichael, has seen it all, but her prickly exterior belies a loving heart. The dryly funny Freddy Durdle is the perfect counter-
balance to over-the-top Ambrose.
All four oddballs seem stuck in their lives, but searing sarcasm relieves the boredom and crazy, everyday dramas aid their struggle to move on and keep things light
Cast of 2 women and 2 men.
wears jeans and a plaid jacket with snap closures. He has a bandage on his head. AMBROSE kicks and spits at the tent. He stomps on it. AMBROSE I hate you I hate you I hate hate hate you! He pants until his breathing regulates. AMBROSE looks around fearful and suspicious. In an attempt to calm down he speaks to himself. This is very traumatic. This is no picnic. This is very unpleasant and painful and grim and hard. This is so hard. Vision quests are hard. He walks into the shrub and squeals. I
embrace FREDDY. FREDDY pushes him away. Go Ambrose. Get. Go. Now. 11 AMBROSE takes his leave. FREDDY smiles at us and continues. Um. I’m Freddy Durdle. I um – I work at Big Jimmy’s Garage and Auto Parts. Yep. Been there a long time. There’s a lube job special on right now. Good deal. Yep. Good deal. So um – anyway um – Ambrose Archibald isn’t the most reliable narrator. Well Ambrose isn’t reliable – period. We hear AMBROSE yell from offstage. AMBROSE I heard that! I forgive you. 12 FREDDY
death was a gift. And I really believe he’s happy for me now. He couldn’t do the things he loved anymore like – drinking and shooting things. He was half the man he used to be. He was miserable. And I was miserable watching him be miserable. He always said to me: “Candy Ass I want a dignified death – just put me down if things get too bad.” Well fortunately I didn’t have to do that. A blessing really. But things didn’t get better right away. Oh no. Not by a long shot. Ambrose Archibald screwed
man and – well – we
and confronts AMBROSE. MANDY I can’t believe you said that. He’s lying. He did not dress up like the best man. 34 You dressed up like the groom and you know it. You said that in a different kinder world we should be together forever. Thank the good lord Jesus that didn’t happen. AMBROSE You were married. MANDY But then I was a widow. That’s totally different. AMBROSE She was distraught. You were imagining things. MANDY Whatever. Liar. Loser. You are still a lying loser. ESTELLE storms on and