Now That's Funny!: Jokes and Stories from the Man Who Keeps America Laughing
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Now That's Funny features the funniest collection of jokes and stories by noted humor editor from Reader's Digest Magazine, Andy Simmons.
Every year, Reader’s Digest readers send in tens of thousands of jokes and funny anecdotes, in their quest for a $100 check and, as an extra benefit, eternal glory: to have their joke published in the world’s best-read magazine. One man is stopping them from their quest. Andy Simmons.
It takes a sense of humor. And Andy certainly has that. Not only is he the arbiter of all things funny in Reader’s Digest; he is their Mark Twain, Bill Cosby, and even their David Sedaris. In other words, Andy is the guy Reader’s Digest turns to whenever they need a funny story all of America can appreciate. He’s perfect for the job. Andy takes great delight in the funny and oddball side of everyday life. In Now That’s Funny!, Andy presents his most popular, funniest writings on all things America, some exclusive and all-new, some taken from the award-winning pages of Reader’s Digest.
You’ll discover the Andy that goes out and tries things. His first-person tales of taking dance lessons, participating in a Revolutionary War reenactment, and even taking stand-up comedy lessons are some of the funniest articles to ever appear in Reader’s Digest.
Then you discover the Andy that observes America. His roundups of dumb criminals, crazy lawsuits, ridiculous excuses and out-of-touch scientific research will have you roaring with laughter -- and feeling much better about yourself.
Then there’s Andy, the family man. You’ll laugh out loud as he goes in search of his inner macho --or for the next stop on his vacation, if only he can find the directions. And Andy’s observations on marriage and fatherhood are as accurate as they are funny.
Finally, there’s Andy the jokester. Here are tales from the job of trying to think, act, and be funny every workday, no matter what the dog did this morning on the rug. Tales of his sit-downs with comic legends from Robin Williams to Woody Allen will have you in stitches. Andy also shares his favorite jokes -- many of them too edgy for printing in Reader’s Digest!
Add it up, and it’s a book filled with hundreds of feel-good, laugh-out-loud moments about life in these United States -- exactly the type of reading we need today!
a Pooh, this was a most important question. “Who cares about Cottleston pies! We’re improving efficiency. By the way, I’ll have to lay you off, too. I’m sorry, Pooh. You’re a nice bear and have done a great job, even if I did have to keep reminding you not to taste every single pie that came out of the oven.” “But I’m the chief funancial officer,” said Pooh. “That’s chief financial officer, Pooh,” corrected Rabbit. “And frankly, having a chief financial officer when there are no finances to
off. We could compete with anyone, anywhere!” Rabbit stopped. He had just thought of something troublesome. “Hmm…of course, my new wealth will send me into a higher tax bracket.” “What tax racquet are you in now?” asked Pooh. “The zero-percent tax bracket. I’ll have to take deductions. I know—I shall donate my body to a taxidermy school.” “What shall I do?” asked Pooh. “If I were you,” advised Rabbit, “I would start buying stock in the company.” In Which Tigger Exudes Irrational
It all started in Mars, California. The way everyone stared at me made me feel as if I were from a different planet. After a good look at my reflection in Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky, I saw why. I put on hold my vacation to Pretty boy, Maryland—a trim was in order. But where? Tater Peeler, Tennessee, it seemed, was the logical spot. I was wrong. The barbers in Scissors, Texas, made a valiant effort to save my do, but it was too late: I was left down in the dumps in Bald Head, Maine. Comfort food
have killed us already? If the world is full of such horrible ills, why are we living longer than ever? Turns out, we live in very safe times. Not perfectly safe; nothing is. But safe enough that instead of worrying about diphtheria, we’re worrying about dip. Pay attention to your health—and a little less to the health scare of the day—and you’ll be fine. Provided, that is, you watch out for that onion dip, and the shopping carts, and your kid’s Polly Pockets, and Fall Foliage Color-palooza
matches and fix some boxer with the evil eye in hopes of jinxing him. The contest has now been hijacked by tales of all the Evil Eyes the guys have known. That’s when I remind everyone that Reader’s Digest will pick up the lunch tab only if they actually judge the gags. The men swallow their pickles, pick up their pens, and begin bickering. “You actually like that one?” Kanter asks Simmons after the latter voices approval of the bra joke. Simmons, in turn, points out that Kanter had little