Mr. K's Book of Really Nasty Jokes
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Here's what they're saying about Mr. K's Book of Really Nasty Jokes: "I couldn't put it down" -Benny the Shoplifter, Ferd, New Jersey "Vile . . . utterly disgusting . . . shockingly repulsive . . . and that was just the copyright page" -Miss Henrietta Starch, Librarian, Prairie Oyster, Texas "This book made me laugh so hard I dropped my dentures into my soup" -Hiram Crimp, author of Never Trust a Fart: Surviving Old Age with Dignity Mr. K is a pseudonym. He has worked as a pimp in a leper colony in Guatemala, a crash test dummy in Detroit, and a deep sea fisherman in Iowa. From 1989 through 1992 he was in the Federal Witness Protection Program until he was booted out for marrying a horse. He is the author of The Looter's Guide to American Cities and Dial M for Martyr: Suicide Bombing for Beginners. He lives in Oatmeal, Nebraska, with his wife, the former Miss Tequila Mockingbird.
hands it back to the robber. " Hold the gun , dammit ," he says. "One of my friends might walk i n!" What's blue and doesn 't fit anymore? A dead epi leptic. Why do women parachutists have to wear tampons? So they don't wh istle on the way down. A wealthy man has been having an affair with an Ital ian woman for several years. Mr. K's Book of Really Nasty Jokes 47 One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confides that she's pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
make something up!" What's grosser than your grandfather getting a hard-on when you sit on his lap? When your grandmother lifts her dress and says, "Let's go kids, we're eating out tonight." What's the definition of a fart? A turd honking for clearance. Mr. K's Book of Really Nasty Jokes 55 What has sixteen balls and th ree pubic hairs? A slumber party at Michael Jackson's house. Why did God give men penises? So they'd have at least one way to sh ut a woman up. Why did the army send so
the bike is outside and it's going to rain, ru b Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rai n." He hands Joe a jar of Vaseline . That night , his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the motorcycle there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, " I have to tell you something about my fam ily before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact , the f irst person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agrees and goes into his wife's room . After a few minutes the woman's mon- Mr. K's Book of Really Nasty Jokes 85 itor f lat lines-no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back mto the room . " What happened?" the first nurse asks. The husband says, "I'm not sure but I think she choked ." A Polack and a priest are sitting next to each other on a plane. The stewardess asks them
Nickname?" DiNapoli from the Bronx I also wish to thank Big Momo for not knifing me in the shower; Jimmy Clams for not making me pick up the soap in the shower; Georgie One Testicle for protecting me from Mickey Fat Salami, y vi Acknowledgments also in the shower; Tony the Navel, Lenny Liver Spots, and Frankie Earwax for protecting me against Bobby the Tuna, Mickey the Worm, and Sammy the Tree Shrew in the cafeteria. My thanks to Warden Radclyffe Dinsmore for the use of his computer and for