Letters from a Nut
Ted L. Nancy
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Who is Ted L. Nancy?
He's a concerned hotel guest searching for a lost tooth...
He's a superstitious Vegas high-roller who wants to gamble at a casino in his lucky shrimp outfit...
He's the genius inventor of "Six Day Underwear"...
He's a demanding dramatist seeking an audience for his play about his 26-year-old dog, Cinnamon...
He's the proud owner of Charles, a 36-year-old cat who owes his longevity to a pet food company...
He's a loyal fan of the King of Tonga...
He is, in reality, a twisted prankster -- a supremely off-kilter alter ego who sends patently ridiculous letters and queries to (and receives surprisingly earnest responses back from) corporate honchos, entertainment conglomerates, national publications, politicians, celebrities and heads of state to everyone, in fact, from the president of the Bon Ami Cleanser Company to U.S. Vice President Al Gore.
Letters From A Nut is an insanely inspired, truly madcap collection of Nancy correspondence, a laugh-out-loud-in-public-places aggregation of official -- and officially certifiable -- requests, complaints, fan mail and questions that could not possibly have been taken seriously...but, amazingly, were!
Dear Mr. Nancy:"It is not often that we receive such enthusiastic support for the paper bag." --The Paper Bag Council
"On behalf of Greyhound, there should be no problem traveling while in your butter costume." --Greyhound Bus Lines
"I look forward to working with you to create a better future for this great nation." -- Vice President Al Gore
"An unending stream of some of the most hilarious exchanges I've ever read. Everyone I lent this book to just read it and laughed out loud like I did. It's so simple, yet totally inventive. I'm sure some sort of mail fraud charges could be brought to stop this man but, personally, I hope they never catch him." --Jerry Seinfeld
machines in any hotel I have ever stayed in. It is good for my thirst and I carry most flavors. (Yours does not have orange!) Is this a problem, checking in with it and bringing it into my room? I can lift it myself even though it is a standard size soft drink vending machine. This soda machine is important to me, both for physical comfort and also for mental relaxation. It will stay in my room for my thirst only. Then I won't have to go into the hallway with a bunch of quarters. I am not selling
1965 American League Champions 1/9/96 Ted L. Nancy 560No.MoorparkRd. #236 Thousand Oaks, CA 91360 Dear Mr. Nancy, Thank you for your interest in the Minnesota Twins. Our mascot position has been filled for the 1996 season. However, if you would possibly like to perform in our new plaza area outside the dome please contact me at 612-375-7463 (This would be a non-paid area). Also, when and where will you be in the Twin Cities? •T^/dltLs&^i*Brian P. Brantley Game Production Coordinator Minnesota
backside is cut out with cellophane over it. I have seen cowboys with this look in line dancing so it's not too bad. How much is a ticket? I hope my see through rear end will be acceptable at your next home stand. Let me know about the doctor's note. Sincerely, Ted L. Nancy 1972 -1980 • 1982 -1985 -1987 .1988 WORLD CHAMPIONS September 18, 1996 Mr. Ted L. Nancy 560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236 Thousand Oaks, CA 91360 Dear Mr. Nancy, If you are concerned that your exposure is an embarrassment our
will be looking forward to hearing from you soon. In the meantime, please find enclosed some coupons for Charles's continued enjoyment and health. Yours skfc Joh--. Malin Vice President Research & Development S:\STAFFMAUNXIKNANCY SAM /s. THE FIVE PRINCIPLES Ted L. Nancy 560 No. Moorpark Rd. #236 Thousand Oaks, Ca. 91360 November 29, 1995 Lost & Found Department COLORADO BELLE HOTEL & CASINO P.O. Box 77000 Laughlin, NV 89028 Dear Colorado Belle Lost & Found: I was visiting your hotel
letter. I am truly sorry. With All The Respect I Have, Ted L. Nancy P.S. You have great Horseradish sauce! tf HOTO./CAJINO USD LaiMfepsBM. South. UiN*ta».t*vMa Ml I9-I05C Mill: Post Omc< KM « n « . U s v u i u . Nevada 19I95-677! WtplioK:(70»S9M777 Toll-rite Her. (MO) 9J7-77I7 Food and Beverage * e d h- vhnMoorpar* Road. 1236 560 North Moorp 91360 Thousand Oaks, ^ ll.\. ,„II,.IL.I\..» ,w...iu...«....n»»»"l'u 560 N. Moorpark Rd., #236 Thousand Oaks, CA 91360 EXECUTIVE OFFICES HOLIDAY