Hullawrerr China!: The Best of Francie and Josie
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Francie & Josie began their incredible career at the Alhambra Theatre in Glasgow in 1958. Originally brought to life by Stanley Baxter, it was to be the partnership of Rikki Fulton and Jack Milroy that brought Francie & Josie fame and fortune. Enough to buy a few fish suppers, anyway. Hullawrerr China! is a collection of Francie and Josie's funniest moments from their many years in showbusiness - including the original version of the legendary Arbroath sketch. And as Francie & Josie said themselves - 'we have perspired thegether to make a pair of spectacles of wurselves, foisted wurselves on a highly expectorant public and we are taking the opperchancity to present before your very eyes a production which for sheer hypocrisy and slite-of-hand will live forever in the annuals of all maternity.'
emigrate! Francie: We-ell, she was that nice about it, I didnie like to refuse. Besides, I can always come an’ see you noo and again. ’Bout once a month – by “Well’s Fargo”. Josie: Once a month? Francie: I’m sorry aboot this Josie. Josie: Sorry? Francie: I’ll write often, Josie. Josie: Whit’s to become of wur “china-ship”? And whit aboot oor business transactions? Our sidelines? I’ve already ordered the novelty monkeys. Francie: Ye have? Josie: Ten dozen o’ them! “Just flick your wrist and watch
Francie: Well, er … . ye-es. Josie: Er … I should like to make a small suggestion. Perhaps me an’ Francie could help ye wi’ yer English. After all, what yiz read in books is all very well but we can learn ye the common language. Francie: Aye, common is whit we speak. Ingrid: It is very kind of you – Hedy: But it makes for you er … a lot of trouble. Josie: Not at all, only too delighted. Hedy: Maybe Ingrid and I could teach you something? Josie: Could be … could be! Hedy: Are you knowing anything
turns and beckons to Francie who is clambering in – Josie: You know just what you are, don’t you? Francie: No, what am I? Josie: You are a silly bu’glar! Now then, keep quiet … SHH! Francie: SHH! Josie turns away and Francie taps him on shoulder and once again goes SHH! Josie just glares at him and carries on over to where he thinks the safe is and just as he bends down … Francie: Josie … Josie … ! Josie: What? Francie: Where’s the place? Josie: Will you shut up! I’m going to examine this safe …
eh let me see now … He twiddles a knob on a radio and immediately a record of military march music blares out at full volume! The pair fall over themselves with fright trying to switch it off which they eventually manage to do. Josie: Phew! The trouble is it’s too dark to see what we’re doing in here … you pull the blinds down while I put on the lights. Francie: Okay Josie … Josie: Anyway Francie … you know why we’re here … Francie: Oh aye … to help wee Mrs. McGreegor … Josie: That’s right, these
toilet. Francie: Eh? Posh Man: For example … how would you go about preparing your toilet? Francie: We-ell, er … er … I know how my mother goes about it. She just gets a big tin o’ Harpic and a brush wi’ a long handle – (Posh Man clasps hand to forehead.) Josie: Fra-ancie! You’ll have to excuse him Professor, he got up on the wrang side o’ the flair this mornin’. Posh Man: Quite, quite. But you will have to excuse me now. Er, gentlemen, I have a class to take. There is our Prospectus, you can