How to Booze: Exquisite Cocktails and Unsound Advice
Jordan Kaye, Marshall Altier
Language: English
Pages: 224
ISBN: 0061963305
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Offering exquisite cocktails and unsound advice, How to Booze by Jordan Kaye and Marshall Altier pairs the perfect cocktail with unfailingly entertaining advice for all of life’s most alcohol-inducing moments. Much more than just a guide to mixology, How to Booze is a hilarious and remarkably prescient, if somewhat degenerate, guide to life—or at least that part of life that would be greatly improved in the company of Johnny Walker or Jack Daniels.
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Presbyterian is an understated but festive highball that can be cobbled together from the sparest of cupboards. Classic and straightforward, over the years the Presbyterian somehow got lost—strange, because it’s nothing more complex than a whiskey and ginger ale, cut with club soda to dampen down the sweetness. Ginger and rye are both seasonal flavors, rendering the Presbyterian a suitable candidate for a holiday party. It isn’t hard to find a home bar stocked with Seagram’s whisky, ginger ale,
the point is not lost on the crowd, take the drink in a cocktail glass rather than a wine glass: there may be a more elegant vessel than a cocktail glass for delivering a fuck-you to the fear-mongering teetotalers, but we can’t think of what it might be. And while you’re at it, pour out some sugar on the table, give it a nice, clean chop with your credit card, and snort it all up. Then pat your belly salaciously, hissing out in a loud whisper for all to hear: Just a taste, my precious little
is a primary reason for boozing. And boy—do you need it now. So rinse out that flask your boozy old granddaddy gave you on graduation day; it’s about to come in handy. Just make sure you stay alert enough to intervene on the jungle gym—a concussion will be hard to explain to your wife, particularly with whiskey breath. * * * Mint Julep 2 OZ BOURBON OR RYE (6 CL) ¼ OZ SIMPLE SYRUP (4–6 DASHES) 5–6 MINT LEAVES, LIGHTLY CLAPPED BETWEEN THE HANDS OR PRESSED ON A HARD SURFACE Stir and
day you receive the bad news about your job—i.e., that you no longer have one—the facile advice you once gave to your laid-off friends will come back to haunt you. All those rousing halftime sermons you gave about this being the opportunity of a lifetime suddenly ring hollow. When you enjoyed the comforts of a steady paycheck and a dependable, if dependably stifling, routine, visions of a more inspiring future danced in your little head. But your morale is suffering from the unexpectedly cold
martini will leave an impression—while its flavors are delicate and floral, its effect on the system is anything but. * * * Variations Insist on continuing the farce by refusing to purchase a new bottle of crème de violette? Don’t fret: you can still make the classic (and classy) Tuxedo No. 1 without it. Cut the absinthe down to ¼ oz and keep the other ingredients as they are. Orange bitters strongly recommended. * * * For the next dozen or so “last” drinks, try this: