Friars Club Private Joke File: More Than 2,000 Very Naughty Jokes from the Grand Masters of Comedy
Language: English
Pages: 416
ISBN: 1579125506
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
In the tradition of the bestselling Friars Club Encyclopedia and Bible (315,000 copies sold), this brand-new, giant collection of laugh-out-loud, hide-it-from-the-kids humor features more than 2,000 saucy jokes and stories grouped thematically into such categories as Marriage, Medicine, Old Age, Kids, and (of course) Sex. Much of the material is attributed to well-known and popular comedians, including Richard Belzer, Gilbert Gottfried, Susie Essman, and Penn Jillette. As a bonus, interviews with a wide variety of stand-up comedians known for their naughtiness— including Mario Cantone, Judy Gold, Jeffrey Ross, Lisa Lampanelli, and many more—are sprinkled throughout.
Sitting down with The Friars Club Private Joke File is like having a front-row seat at one of their infamous Roasts. Whether browsing for a good ice-breaker or perusing it cover to cover, this no-holds-barred compilation will keep readers laughing and blushing for a long, long time.
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the only open table. As he sits down, he accidentally knocks the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulls out a clean spoon, and sets it on the table. The diner is impressed. “Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?” “Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant. He determined that 17.8 percent of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen.” The diner
everybody—HIC! Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says, “Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don’t mean?” The second guy says, “Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge tits, and instead of asking her for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two tickets to TITSBURGH.” The first guy says, “Yeah, well I was having breakfast with my wife last week, and instead of saying ‘Honey,
bed getting busy when the girl places the guy’s hand on her pussy. “Put your finger in me,” she tells him. So he does, without hesitation, and she starts moaning. “Put two fingers in,” she says. So in goes another one. She’s really starting to get worked up when she says, “Put your whole hand in!” The guy happily obliges, when she says, moaning aloud, “Put both your hands inside of me!!!” So the guy puts both of his hands in! “Now clap your hands,” commands the girl. “I can’t,” says the guy.
tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, “I think it’s WOOMB.” “No, it must be WOOOOMBH,” said the second. “You both have it wrong, it’s WOOM,” said the third. “No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB,” said the fourth. At this, the young lady couldn’t stand it any longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, “Look, you hayseeds, it’s WOMB. That’s it, that’s all there is to it.” Then she left. Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, “Well, I
that 99 percent of musicians are in it to get laid and the other 1 percent is lying. When I first started playing with a band in the early seventies, people would come up to tell me a joke, because we told jokes between songs. I’d say, “I’ll start counting down from ten and by the time I get to one, if I don’t know the punch line to the joke, I’ll buy you a drink.” I never bought anybody a drink because I always recognized that the three nuns in a canoe was the same joke as the three pilgrims