Filthy Dirty Jokes
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THIS BOOK IS BETTER THAN SEX WITH A VIRGIN -- IT WON'T BE OFFENDED IF YOU LAUGH AT IT! Is your mind in the gutter? Then congratulations -- you're guaranteed to enjoy the totally tasteless humor of FILTHY DIRTY JOKES! Nothing and no one is sacred in this crass collection of over-the-top jokes about Bosses Husbands & Wives Golf Old People Doctors Lawyers Animals Stupid People Viagra Politics Religion Kids Drunks ...And more! So check your political correctness at the door, and see how low you can go with Filthy Dirty Jokes
"Yo u mean with spermicide?"' I said, "No. 1 mean insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass and I aim to kill th e son of a bitch ... • Having go ne to his secretary's apartment for some hot overtime. Mersky was astonished to wak e u p and fi n d that it wa three in the morning. "' My wife is going to kill met • Unsure of how he would explain it , he ran o ut to the n ea rest pay phone and called his w ife excitedly. "Honey, thank Godl "' he began. "'Don't pay t h e ransom . I escaped!" • John
Prosti tu te: ·That's j u st it .. . my feet are killing me ... • Memo from the secretary to the boss: I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that you're nor sren"le. • The mada m had assemb led some of her girls for the men in town for the accountants' convention. "This is Dolores,· she said, smili n g. ·For $250, I can promise you an exciting evening stan ing with a hot t ub. ·And this is Connie, available for $375. She's rigged a n Oriental Swing in her room. "'"'ow lovely Maria,"
drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool, next to an older woman. After a while, the woman stans to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk . She turns to hjm. "Excuse me. mister, but rud you just shit yourself? " The drunk replies, "Yes, ma'am, 1 have indeed shit my self." "WeLL why don't you go somewhere and dean yourself up?~ The drunk says, "Cuz I'm not finished yet.· A man enters a five-star restaurant, sits at the bar, an d orders four expensive
nt of the co ngregation . "Where is your respectr the rabbi growls. · How could you do something like this? I must be he ld in h igh esteem by each and e very m ember of the congregation . As your rabbi. I a m very, very angry with yo u! " As he cont inues to bera te the president, th e girl rises sheepishly from the bed, n ot wanting to funher e mbarrass the rabbi. As she stands, the rabbi says, · where a re you goin g? I'm not mad at you.· One morning a ma n ca me into the c\1urch on crutches.
I" Back in the time of the samurai, a powerful emperor needed a new head samurai. so he sent out a declaration throughou t the country that he was searching for one. A year passed and only three people showed up: a J apanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. Th e emperor asked the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstra te why be should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opened a matchbox and out popped a little fly. Whoosh goes his sword, and the fly drops dead on the ground