Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom
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Franz and Lola are vampires in love. They live in a cottage near the sea with their little vampire baby.
Burn Girl is a lonely girl who walks along the bottom of the sea, constantly on fire. The water doesn't put her fire out or soothe her burns. It only makes her feel like she's wearing an itchy wool sweater.
Bruno is the buffest vampire. He is building Muscle Island, a floating fortress comprised of mussels.
The Vampire Science Council has been working for centuries to prevent the depletion of their arctic planet's blood supply, but the blood has finally run out.
Cyrus Lugosi's friends want to slaughter him as part of a ritual sacrifice that will raise Cthulhu from his tomb at the bottom of the sea. There are just two problems: The closest thing to the Necronomicon they've got is a unicorn coloring book, and Cthulhu is more interested in his quest for the perfect hamburger.
Their fates will converge when Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom.
Lola locked the door and peeped through the curtains. “Do you think they followed us?” Lola asked. “No, we flew too fast. They’ll have to descend the mountain.” “Remember, it’s Fang Foot who’s after the Necronomicon. When the book fails to turn up among Gaul’s possessions, he’ll come after us.” “We’ll lie. We’ll say that Gaul told us the whole story about the Necronomicon, that he threatened to kill us and destroy the book. We’ll say we had no choice but to murder him in order to restore the
like a tipped turtle. “Bessy the milk cow was too dry for cunnilingus that morning,” Fang Foot wailed, in a strange voice they had never heard before, “so I revoked my tongue from her pastry-puffed, shit-crusted pusshole and gouged her eyes with a screwdriver. I hate it, how the hollow-eyed cows will scream, but Bessy was a good cow, owing to the leather medicine ball bondage gag weighing her head to the hay-strewn floor.” Franz and Lola exchanged nervous glances. Neither of them had any idea
demand total pardon for both of us,” Franz said. “And I demand to be united with my family,” Lola said. The scientist last in line turned on his heels and addressed them with a toothy grin on his face. He seemed pleased with their demands. “Of course you’ll be pardoned. And we’ll do everything we can to reunite you with your family. While the gentleman is briefed on his mission, my colleagues here will search the records for your family. We have already amassed a complete database of all known
end. He remembered that his purpose for being onstage was to support a cause far greater than himself. This gave him a boost of confidence, until a vampire shouted, “Go home, ice huggers!” The crowd burst out in laughter. Fang Foot hammered silence down on the Bat Cave with his evilest gaze. He cleared his throat and began, “We are gathered here today to decide the fate of our community. Whereas a short time ago we sat on the edge of a storm, anticipating the end of a dry spell that plagued us
offstage. The vote passed to move underground. They want the town evacuated by morning.” Lola slammed her fist on the table. “We have to stop them!” “I’m afraid it’s already too late,” Gaul said, looking like a somber owl. “Then why are we here? Why did you ask Lola to sneak us out of there like that?” “One hope still remains to stave off the cruel spring that will devastate the planet by morning. I prayed to the great old ones for many centuries, begging that no vampire should ever be