Connecting Through "Yes!": How to Agree When You Don't Agree to Get Cooperation and Closeness in Your Marriage
Language: English
Pages: 292
ISBN: 0989099911
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
This book shows how to use agreement to transform the biggest areas of marital conflict into closeness, cooperation, and mutually desirable outcomes. Licensed psychologist, marriage, and relationship coach Jack Ito PhD illustrates with clear, easy to follow examples, how to communicate about the biggest problems that couples face.
These are the same techniques his coaching clients use to stop divorces, end affairs, deal with addicted spouses, solve problems, end blaming, improve dating, handle money issues, parent cooperatively, get out of debt, and more.
This book is unique in offering communication training to couples when one spouse (or significant other) is not ready or willing to work on the relationship.
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house and depending on my schedule, it could interfere with some of the things we do together.” PARTNER: “Well, I don’t see why you need more money. I give you enough.” YOU: “Yes, it would be difficult for many people to see. If you would like to go over it together, I would be happy to do that.” PARTNER: “How much do you need?” YOU: “Half of the extra money, after we pay the bills and contribute to our savings.” PARTNER: “Well, that’s not going to happen.” YOU: “Ok, thank you for telling
relationship with you.” YOU: “I want to have a good relationship with you, too. And, I want to be able to put this behind us and move forward, too.” PARTNER: “I’m relieved to hear that. Let’s not talk about it again.” YOU: “I agree that we need to move forward, but we will need to talk about some things. Otherwise, we won’t move forward. We will just end up where we were before this all happened.” PARTNER: “Yeah, so, what’s wrong with that?” YOU: “Well, where we were before was not good
if you are a woman, you can understand your husband’s fear of that. Even people who agree that they need to save money or invest money still have disagreements over how the money should be saved/invested, how much money should be saved/invested, and when the money can be accessed. Consulting with a financial planner is great for getting information, but won’t necessarily resolve these conflicts. That’s because the choices are related to the amount of risk that people feel comfortable with as
appeal to your spouse’s interests. Example: Traditional approach to money spending differences SPOUSE 1: “I think it’s time to get a new car. Ours is starting to break down and we need a bigger one now that we have two kids.” SPOUSE 2: “Yeah, we have two kids—that’s why we can’t afford a new car.” SPOUSE 1: “That’s it! You just decide what I can and can’t have. There’s no discussion. I just have to follow you, and I’m sick of it.” SPOUSE 2: “What is there to discuss? I can’t pull money out
walking away, killed themselves or their spouse. There have been many more who lived out their lives in quiet desperation. Would it have been better if they had walked away? Definitely. The most common misuse of avoidance is to deal with a chronic problem. Avoidance is the easiest thing to do today, it will be the easiest thing to do tomorrow, but each day it eats away at a relationship like mold eats away at bread. The best way to stop using avoidance is to substitute effective actions that,